And Pigs might Fly
by Katsu Kitsune
Summary: A sleepy Daniel dreams of Jack and the rest of SG1 on holiday. He gets a rude awakening but eventually realises that reality is far better than any dream. JD eventual fluffslash. Consider yourself warned.
1. Chapter 1

Well, I'm back...this time it's with a Stargate SG-1 fic. I've been vaguely obsessed with it for a looooong time now, but my liking for the characters only escalated into fiction fairly recently. And this is the result...it's probably not very good, but I don't mind. It's been keeping me occupied on the bus home!

Oh yes, for any of you who think that there's no reason to like SG-1 - how about the fact that in the latest series you have Richard Dean Anderson (sexy as all hell for a wrinkly) Michael Shanks (with the Fabulous Ass) Claudia Black (wish I looked that good in leather trousers) and of course, Ben Browder -dribbles gently- now there is a man who looks glorious in leather...

So. Many, many reasons to love the cast of SG-1 and write many and varied fanfics. But please, stop writing ones with Michael Shanks and Claudia Black getting it on...that's just so, so, so wrong on so many levels...after all, being a Farscape fan, she so belongs to Chrichton (Ben)...

-gets whapped by Jack- Ow. I think that was my queue to get on with the story...Just to let you know, Jack's reading over my shoulder so if he goes out of character, don't blame me, blame him for stealing the keyboard...

* * *

**And Pigs might Fly.**

Disclaimer: Woe is me, for I do not own Stargate SG-1. I make no money out of the stories I write and I promise I will put everyone back in their boxes nice and clean.

Really I will...

* * *

**Broken Dreams**

"No!" I screamed as I leapt up to crouch on my bed, finally awakening from the nightmares which had been plagueing me for several hours. Shaking and sweating, I scrambled to my bathroom, splashing cold water on my face and staring blearily at my reflection. _Nothing wrong..._ I thought to myself. _White teeth, full lips, a straight nose, shapely eyebrows...nothing left of what I used to look like...so why do I keep on having these nightmares? Why now? All those years of being bullied are far behind me...they shouldn't still cause me so much pain..._ I crawled back into bed, trying to focus on something more fun as I fell back into sleep.

"This is beautiful, Jack." I smiled up at my friend from where I lay on the dock. Teal'c was sitting behind me, meditating. Sam was sprawled over a sun-lounger, reading a seriously trashy romance novel - the cover seemed to contain an aweful lot of muscular male with long hair, and even more breast squeezed perilously into a pink corset. I watched happily as Jack smiled, leaning over me to say something...he looked to calm and happy with his fishing rod and old, faded t-shirt and cutoffs. I eyed the cutoffs thoughtfully. _Those are practically indecent...so short..._ I thought to myself, wondering just when I'd started noticing things like that. Jack was now so close that I could reach out and hold him. _Thank god for dreams! _I grinned to myself as I reached out and ran my hand down Jack's arm, squeezing lightly. Jack smiled widely at me before pinching my nose - hard!

I sat up in bed - reality intruding rather rudely on the dream sequence I had planned. I put my hand to my face, rubbing my abused nose. "Jaaaaaack..." I whinged.

"So, Daniel. Are you awake now?" Jack smirked at me as he swung his legs up onto my bed and balanced himself by placing his hand next to my thigh.

"Oh God..." I groaned as I felt my body respond to his nearness. "Am I late up?" I asked lamely, knowing how atrocious I was at getting up on time, I wouldn't be suprised.

"Nah. It's only 0630." I got a gentle pat on the shoulder from my C.O. "By the way. What were you dreaming? You looked so happy about it and I swear I heard you say my name?" He asked with a sly smile.

I looked at Jack, my mouth dropping open and my face redenning as I tried desperately to come up with a sensible response.

"Ah, yeah, I was dreaming. You were there." I watched a smile light up his face. "So were Teal'c and Sam." I frowned slightly as his smile solidified, turning into more of a grimace. _Interesting. _I blinked, thinking hard. _He was happy that I dreamt of him, but not that the others were included...why would he not be happy that I dreamt of them? He can't be jealous? Can he? _I shut my brain down from that line of thought and concentrated on explaining myself. "I was dreaming that we were all up at your cabin. Sam was reading a trashy romance..." Jack sniggered gently. "And Teal'c was meditating." I looked at the eyebrow being raised in my general direction.

"And what about me? You said I was there?" Jack pouted at me playfully and I found myself looking at his lips and wondering what they'd feel like against mine...after a few seconds of wishful thinking and filing away for future fantasies, I looked back up at Jack's eyes, slightly suprised that my waking self seemed to be almost as infatuated with Jack as my subconcious... I realised I'd been looking blank for a while, so I shook my head slightly and said "What? Oh, I was just about to thank you for taking us all on holiday."

"Ok..." Said Jack disbelievingly. "Only no-one says someone's name like that when they're dreaming they're just thanking them for a holiday..." The eyebrow went up again and I found myself flushing.

"I was really happy about the holiday...it was nice, just us doing nothing by the lake. Really peaceful." I said.

Jack smiled softly before saying "Then you should come up to the cabin this weekend with me."

Blinking owlishly, I looked questioningly at my friend. "I'd love to Jack but I really have a lot to do..." My voice trailed off as I looked at Jack's face - he was wearing the expression which says _I am your commanding officer. You will NOT, I repeat NOT disobey me..._

I sighed defeatedly "Ok, let me get some clothes. The translation can wait until next week." I tried to be sarcastic and failed miserably. _After all. _I thought to myself sulkily _It's not even seven in the morning yet..._

"Atta boy!" Jack grinned at me and patted my leg, long fingers resting lightly on my thigh, cool weights through the thin cotton sheets. I raised my knee, bending my leg and sliding my food up the bed, hoping that Jack couldn't tell that such a simple touch had brought about a rather extreme reaction from...a part of my body I would rather not think about right now. Unfortunately for the state of my groin, he didn't move his hand off my leg as I raised it up, instead he evilly let his hand slide down my thigh towards my knee. _Oh god...he has absolutely no idea what he does to me, does he? I need a cold shower. With extra snow._ I looked up at Jack again, hoping my cheeks weren't as red as I thought.

I coughed to get his attention (as if I didn't have it already) and said "I need to..." I pointed towards the bathroom, the word temporarily lost to me.

Raising one silvery eyebrow, Jack suggested slyly "Go potty?"

"Yes!" I latched onto the word. "I mean no! Jaaaaack!"

The bastard sat there, grinning unrepentently.

"Shower, I need to shower! Now get out and I'll meet you in the canteen in twenty minutes." I frowned and then smiled.

Nodding, Jack stood and stretched langurously, his t-shirt riding up to reveal a flat torso with a light sprinkling of silver and black hairs. I sighed quietly and ogled him briefly. _He has a hot body...there are days when I'm glad he can't read my signals...I must look like I'm desperate, staring at him like this..._

At last, he stopped tormenting me with his body and made for the door. As he opened the door, I decided to see how far I could push my luck.

"Jack?" I peeked at him over my knees.

Jack stopped, one hand on the door and looked at me quizzically. "Yes Daniel?"

"Buy me breakfast, would you?" I grinned winsomely as Jack smiled.

"Sure, I'll even get you coffee..."

My smile widened. "Thanks Jack."

As he closed the door I got up, heading for the bathroom. _I guess I can push quite far then huh? Today could be fun...I wonder what else I can get him to do. _I groaned as my mind conjured scenarios in which Jack would be bending over to pick something up, wearing the shortest shorts possible...or maybe he'd stretch again, but this time on my bed...or covered in warm chocolate...naked, and covered in chocolate. Now that sounded almost too good.

"Oh god, I gotta get laid..." I murmured as I stepped into my icy shower.

* * *

Muahaha... 

I have enjoyed writing this - there will be another chapter up soon as I've already half written it. Sorry this is so short...

I've been thoroughly addicted to SG-1 for about a month or so now, which is another reason that my other fics have suffered. Rest assured that I will be updating some of the HP/DM fics - Crash Landing first.

And I still haven't got my laptop back, so I have to write the oldfashioned way - with pen and paper -sigh- but hey, it's still enjoyable, if a little slower and prone to making my wrist hurt...

Anyway. Jack is wanting a word. -hands over the pc to the lovely, delicious Jack O'Neill-

Good morning Campers...I just wanted to say that I'm not really as dumb as all that. I can read Daniel's signals. I know _exactly_ what my touch does to him. But it's just so much fun to torture him.

As you'll find out...

-glares at Jack for spoiling the story- Dammit Jack, did you have to say that? Now they know what's coming! -rolls her eyes dramatically- Anyway. I'll finish the next chapter and post it as soon as I can.

Let me know if you liked it, k?


	2. Late again

Ok, so I'm having issues with this story not quite doing what I want...maybe it'll pan out soon. Either that or I scrap it... 

As always, I do not own the characters, but the writing is done by me, so I own that bit. If you find any plot, feel free to use it but I would like a mention grins If you think you can do better or give me ideas, please, feel free - I could do with them...

-whap-

Ow. I really wish he wouldn't do that...ok, ok I'll get on with it.

Anyway. On with the show.

* * *

Late, always late

Precisely twenty minutes later, I found myself running full-pelt through the corridors of the SGC, cursing the fact that I only gave myself twenty minutes to shower, shave, dress, pack and get to the damn canteen. I just knew that Jack would be sitting there with a cup of tea and waiting to tell me exactly how late I was.

_Thank god I've been going to the gym..._ I thought smugly as I ran swiftly and smoothly, even with the backpack on. _If I'm only a couple of minutes late my coffee will still be warm...oh thank god, I'm there..._

I skidded to a halt in front of the canteen doorway, trying to slow my breathing down again after my exertions. I could see Jack sitting at SG-1's usual table, with a pile of toast in front of him and a steaming pot of coffee. I tried strolling in nonchalently, but couldn't quite hide that I'd just sprinted through the underground facility.

"Hey Jack." I nodded to him.

"Daniel. Nice of you to turn up..." Jack swung his legs off the table and motioned me towards the chair opposite him.

Rolling my eyes and sighing, I gave in to temptation and tried to justify myself. "I'm two minutes late...you woke me up at 0630...I'm entitled to a couple of extra minutes...So...where's my coffee?" I said brightly, looking forward to the only good thing which could happen before 7 in the morning...

Jack filled a mug with steaming coffee for me and pushed it gently across the table. I reverently poured in cream and spooned in my habitual spoon of brown sugar before stirring it all, mesmerised with the way the cream slowly spread to colour the liquid a pale brown. I put the spoon down and lifted the coffee up, inhaling deeply before taking the first sip. I sighed blissfully, my eyes closing as I drank a little more.

"Heavenly, Jack, thank you so much...you can wake me at half six every day, as long as you bring me good coffee..." I opened my eyes to find Jack leaning his elbows on the table, his chin resting on his hands and he was staring at me with a fascinated look.  
I pursed my lips slightly. "What?" I asked.

"Oh" said Jack. "Sorry Daniel, I was just wondering what coffee must taste like to you - it must be good - the only time I've seen that face on anyone was when I gave Carter a really expensive box of chocolates one time...I think she was on her period of something because she so wouldn't share!" Jack grinned unrepentantly.

"If I remember rightly, Jack, you had another box of those chocolates stashed away somewhere?" I mused.

"Yeah, but I had to use them as a bribe this morning..."

I sipped at me coffee before replying. "Oh? You had to bribe someone? Other than me, I mean..."

He nodded. "Yeah, I had to bribe Carter - she didn't want to get out of the SGC this weekend until I told her she could have that box..."

I smiled "You villain...you bribed a woman with chocolate to get her to spend a weekend outside of the office? That's low, even for you Jack..." I couldn't help but snigger at the thought. "Hang on, that means Carter will be at the cabin too?" I cursed myself for sounding so plaintive.

Jack simply nodded. "She will." He smiled evilly "She really didn't like getting woken up at 0640 though."

"Damn right she didn't sir, but for another box of those chocolates, I would do many things - getting up early isn't so horrible." Sam mock-glared at her CO then looked at me and smiled "I gather this is all your fault, Daniel?" I blinked as Sam carried on without waiting for an answer. "I wanted to say thank you for giving Jack an excuse to try and bribe me - I've been trying to get him to do that for weeks!"

I laughed at the look of outrage on Jack's face as Sam sat down and helped herself to coffee. I pushed mine over for a refill. "So." I said. "How exactly is it 'my' fault that you had to get up so early?" I retrieved my coffee while Sam munched on some toast.

"Well," She said, sipping coffee to clear her mouth. "Jack came barging in, rudely awakened me and said that you'd had a brilliant idea and that we were all going to the cabin for the weekend."

"Ah." I looked sheepish. "Sorry Sam. I knew I shouldn't have told him I'd dreamt of being up at the lake..."

Jack grinned "What she isn't telling you is that not only did I bribe her with chocolate but also with a trip to a bookstore - one which sells trashy period-romance...you know, the overly muscled and intelligent but lecherous pirate kidnapps the daughter of a wealthy merchant and ends up falling in love with her and reforming her ways...that sort of thing..." Jack looked up at me as I stared disbelievingly at him. "What, you thought Sam was the only one who read trashy novels?" With that, he stood and made for the door.

As he was about to leave he stopped, snapped his fingers and turned back to us. "I'm just going to get Teal'c - meet me by the car in ten." He said. "And don't forget breakfast to go..."

"Yes Sir." Said Sam, all but saluting. I grunted and continued to drink my coffee whilst gathering up some pastries and grabbing a plastic box from the canteen staff. After all, the chance of Jack letting anyone stop to buy food before we got to his cabin was remote.

Ten minutes later saw Sam, Teal'c and I standing waiting by Jack's car with a hamper of food (and coffee) and our bags, wondering when Jack would turn up.

Sam stirred restlessly, saying "Why does he enjoy making us wait so much?"

I raised an eyebrow and said nothing, struggling to hold my sunglasses while I tied my bandana - easier said than done...especially when you've had about three hours sleep and were rudely awakened and dragged out of a very nice dream...ok, let's not focus on the dream right now...I finally got the blasted bandana tied and slipped the sunglasses over my tired eyes, and was just stretching out when Jack walked out of the base, blinking in the light as he put his sunglasses on and swung his bag over his shoulder, sauntering towards us. I watched him discreetly, privately admiring the slim thighs and gently muscled arms.

"Good morning, Campers..." Jack boomed across the car park. "Are we ready for our trip?" We nodded dutifully. "Well, what are you waiting for? Get in the car..."

We looked at Jack. I broke first. "W-w-wait, you mean the car's been open all this time, Jack?" When he nodded, I sighed and called out 'Shotgun!' before anyone else could think of it (Ok, so Sam's nice and wouldn't have done it and Teal'c didn't know about it...that's not my fault, right? Right?)

Sam groaned quietly. "You mean I have to share the back seat with Teal'c?" She turned to the Jaffa "No offense, just your thighs are a little too solid for pillows..."

Teal'c nodded in acknowledgement. "I do much excercise, causing my muscles to be very dense. However, MajorCarter, I have brought you something to rest on which is softer than my legs."

Sam perked up as Teal'c pulled out a large fluffy-looking pillow from his bag, and beamed at the huge man happily. "Thank you, Teal'c, that's really thoughtful of you!"

Teal'c simply nodded.

The engine roared from behind us and we took that as our cueue to scramble into the car before Jack drove off.

After getting settled, and getting the radio tuned to a station everyone could cope with, I sat back and considered having a nap. As I closed my eyes though, there was a plaintive voice from the back seat; "Daniel...could you pass me some breakfast please?"

Sigh. "Sure Sam, I can manage that..." I rubbed my eyes and rumaged through the hamper. "Criossant or Danish?" I asked over my shoulder.

"Ooh ooh Danish please!" Sam smiled. "I'm hungry...something to do with being roused at the crack of dawn..." With a pointed look at Jack, she took the food, and some coffee before sitting back.

Jack looked in the mirror "Woah, hey...no crumbs on the upholstery..." He threw me a very unfriendly look. "When we get back you are so cleaning out my car."

"Hey! Why me?" I looked as affronted as I could manage.

"Well Daniel, you picked the crumbly breakfast, so you get to clean it up." He paused and even over the sound of the engine and the stereo, I heard his stomach grumbling. He shifted in his seat, looking sheepish for a moment. "Could you, err...break up some criossant and pass me the bits please?"

I couldn't help it, I did the Teal'c's-surprised-eyebrow thing...

"Don't look at me like that Spacemonkey, just feed me the goddamn criossant..." Muttered Jack direly.

"Ok Jack." I tried for a poker-face. "I'll feed you..." I lost the battle with myself and sniggered, which earned me a slap to the thigh.

"No jokes. Just feed me, I'm hungry."

"Yes Sir." I began to break up the criossant and held a piece out for him to take. After several seconds I wondered why I could hear Sam trying not to laugh. Suspecting it was at me, I turned to the wing-mirror and looked at Sam's reflection. With a flick of her eyes, she motioned towards our driver, so I frowned and turned to look at Jack, who I found was sitting with his head cocked to one side, eyes firmly on the road, trying to reach the criossant with only his mouth.

"Jeez, Jack? You couldn't have just taken it with your fingers, could you?" I murmured.

"You wanted to feed me, so feed me!" Jack smirked.

I rolled my eyes. "Fine..." I drew out the word, making clear that it wasn't fine...then threw him a smirk of my own asI slowly reached out, a chunk of croissant held between thumb and forefinger. It was sheer torture, watching my fingers get closer to his lips, which parted just enough to let him wrap his lips around the sweet offering. Clearly I offered too much finger and not enough croissant as I felt a soft wet tongue against my fingertips, lips against my skin as Jack made sure he hadn't missed any of the pastry pastry. With inhuman effort, I managed not to show just how much that had effected me as I drew my hand away.

"You know, you could have just asked for more rather than trying to hoover every last crumb off my fingers?" I said, mock reproach in my voice.

Jack just grinned and looked at me out of the corner of his eye before saying "But your fingers are so tasty!" which set everyone to laughing, even Teal'c.

I gave that the only answer I could; I picked up another piece of criossant, and fed him.

* * *

Well, that was pants...

Please Feed the Authoress...


End file.
